Animal Farm 2.0

Note: I, here does not refer to me. Initially, I thought people would be smart enough to realize that. But, I need to clarify here that I, here refers to some figment of my personality which coincides a lot with yours, Xs, Ys and Zs of the world.

Most of the time I feel lonely. But sometimes I am more lonely, like today. I don't feel bad about it. It is just that we have come to believe being lonely is a poor idea. The very expression on my face often transmits my lack of affection for conformists of these sorts. Anyway, I had lunch and was wandering around my house. It is a nice place, that I currently live in. Lot of people move around too. I don't feel alone.

People who are more lonely are advised to find company. It is generally felt that the company of the opposite sex rocks. Incidentally it does mostly. A couple of weeks back, I was talking to a friend of mine. She told me that loneliness is completely curable. There are counselors who can actually solve it for the social outcasts like me. She explained to me in details of what all that can be done. Her arguments were perfectly rational and within the boundaries of social norms. She told how a counselor can guide you to the kind of people you would like to be with. I guess that's what civilization is all about. But, if I am counseled by someone, the first thing I'll do is run away from such people at first sight. Please, don't ruin my serenity. I like animals more these days. They are simpler. I don't mean to say that I fantasize about them.Some people have pets in their houses. I guess that I understand them better now, not that I completely empathize with them. For example, a couple with no children. One would often find such couples having big, small, spotted, ferocious, adorable, different kinds of dogs, cats, etc. It makes sense to me.

My serenity here, in my apartment is often intruded upon by the dogs barking outside. There are quite a few pet dogs. Also, a few stray dogs wander in the alleys of this locality. I moved out of my room to smoke for a while. I observed something interesting, which inspired me to put these feelings which I nurture in my mind, to visibility.

I saw a small white creature(dog) trying to get out of the first floor balcony with all its might. It seemed it was dying to get free. My eyes then fell on a big black old dog which was growling and howling from inside the iron gates at the ground floor of the small house on the opposite side of the lane. It was startling and moving to see the two, trying hard to break the shackles, imposed upon them by civil society. They are not civilized like us, they want to live like animals would want to. What was interesting was how they wanted just not to break free but it seemed they wanted to run towards each other with a lot to say. Eventually the two got exhausted and their moans subsided and died down with time. May be they try it everyday, may be, every fortnight. But they try to break free when they can.

I also intruded upon their privacy. I captured them with my phone camera. But, then we are all animals.

P.S. I love you

Sometime back I read about two distinct thoughts on the nature and evolution of the human brain after birth. One declares that the brain is like a blank, and the surroundings create impressions on the mind and hence shape the way the brain functions. The other, of course, says that the brain is not a blank. We are born with certain features and the mind also carries impressions from the processes by which it comes into existence.I have no evidence or clue to support either. However, it is still amazing to ponder about the corollaries that can be derived from such hypotheses. In this article, I have got inside shoes that are not very comfortable and given a rather indecent concrete shape to some figments of my imagination. Just like Khushwant Singh's "The Company of Women", this can very well be said to be a real story of someone I know very well, to avoid the responsibility and avert from the curiosity of the few readers whom I ll forward the link and compel to go through once I am finished with it.

From early school days, I have always been fighting my libido. I am not sure, whether it is I, who have inculcated it over the years or it is more to do with how I am. The sight, smell and the absence of the opposite sex have always influenced me to a great extent. However I have tried to rationalize my feelings beyond necessity and in the process got more confused. Things got simpler with losing virginity. But sometimes this very simplicity is very bewildering and creates room for indifference. This indifference is different from the one that comes from abstinence.

In this post, I shall try to explore love, as I have experienced it, over the years, directed towards mostly good looking, fair and healthy females who have shown sympathy, attention or lust towards me in return. I will not write something which stinks of insecurity, will not talk to appease anyone. I will write like I have Lisa Ann in my bed, and "you can't do anything about it" type. I will not show undue respect, will not enshroud my words in any fogginess, nor will I write to cover up my own limitations and perversions.

I need to maintain a chronological order of my experiences(initially, I had used the word "exploits", and then later, while reading, I was embarrassed enough to remove it) to illustrate how the seed of love was sown in my heart, and what it grew up to be. I was in junior school, when my heart ached for someone quite bad and got unreasonable. I had been to Lucknow for a while and met a girl over there in the hotel where we had put up. It is funny to imagine, that I have been trying so long, not to much effect. All I remember of her was that she was from a small town, in the outskirts of Calcutta, called Bali and wore spectacles. She was very nice to talk to, and in the few hours I spent with her in the open hall of the Nawabi mansion, sowed the first seeds of romance in my otherwise nervous body. Often in lonely afternoons and dark nights and at my study desk in the morning, I would remember her, would make up situations where I meet her accidentally, in my mind and slowly immerse myself in it. After a while, I would wake up to reality and the silver screen would disappear before my eyes. So, it was time for me to switch the channel of my f tv (fantasy tv) to some girls in my locality or my school. But not unless, the nights were too dark and boring, that I would fancy much about them.

Still there used to be one girl, who would be enjoying a large portion of my mind, as big as what I learnt in all my school years maybe. She was in my school. I do not know about others, but in juniour classes in school, I did not have much idea about love, except that it meant to be between a guy and a gal, and the attraction part was evident. However, I would not be humble and inane like otherwise immodest and cunning people to say that I do not understand love even today. Because, I do. To talk more about that girl in my school, she used to be pretty and still undesirable. I would not like her, still I would be attracted towards her. I would feel a strange attraction towards her and still a repulsion strong enough to keep me going head over heels on her. I harboured her thoughts in my mind for may be over half a decade, till it was overthrown by her gradual transition to complete disappearance from my locales. I never spoke or did anything with her which would reflect my inner feelings. I used to be quite stupid. When she was totally gone, I would feel a little disappointed for being such a coward and used to blame myself. It would give rise to pessimism and disinterest in worldly things for me. In course of time, however, I realised that it was pure lust which created so much turmoil in my mind. I accepted that I did not like her. Things were simpler thereafter, only for a few years.

Despite all these fascinations and romantic hangovers, there used to be a lot of time still left to be spent during school days, mainly because of the inordinately long vacations, when I would be very much away from everyone else. During these times, I would often feel lonely. First, there were books,television, cassette player, then came video game console and later on desktop. Sometimes I used to go on trips to different places with my parents, but much to my dismay, my libido went along with me, like a dark shadow, everywhere I went. Like in Gangtok, how I used to go the small confectionery on the Mall Road to look at the girl who used to sit at the billing counter! Then while returning from Himachal, I would continuously look at the girl sitting a few seats on the right of me in the Kalka Mail, until she got down somewhere with her parents and moved into oblivion. There have been so many hundreds I guess I have stared at with a blank face and sometimes, remembered their faces a little more than usual.

As I moved into high school, the intensity of emotions did not shoot up rapidly for me. Instead, I moved inside a shell of rationality and indifference for lack of understanding of the opposite sex. When you do not understand something, it is a common human tendency to avoid it. There used to be conflicts inside me, when the values I imbibed from my immediate surroundings would clash with my inner sensuality. It was awkward to get some female attention in high school and made me nervous and undecided how to react to situations. Of the little I got, I did not make any use of them. Sincerely, I did not have courage or the liberty to be able to do anything much. I feared the strict vigil back home towards non-academic indulgences.

I have learnt a lot from seeing movies, because as such I did not have a very active social life. I grew up to be little reclusive and reticent, but then changed with time slowly. If you do not pick up something early, it's a lot of friction to learn it later, believe me. However, when I started to watch television alone and surf channels, there was one point of time, when I mustered enough courage to keep the channels which had started new, on. I am talking about the likes of Zee MGM, f tv, AXN, Zee English, HBO, Hollywood, etc. I could not understand mostly what they said, but I did like what I saw. Then I would again turn to the tv set when there would be no one at home, which would be quite often. The movies would feature the likes of Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, Catherine Zeta Jones and I would remain glued to the tv set, just looking at them or trying to decipher what they are saying. Haute Couture, Lingerie shows on ftv were breathtakingly awesome. It was still too much for me to take and appreciate. Blatant nudity to an Indian teenager is too much of a shocker to start with, only to be replaced by other emotions over a period of time. All guys, I hope, have seen Silk Stalkings on AXN, because it was simply awesome and much more erotic than say Baywatch. In my school days, when we did not have internet connection at home, these were on the menu to satisfy the sexual cravings that would become really a burden to carry when u leave your childhood and know that you have hit puberty. One would not know as such what to do, but then the television channels would take full advantage of innocent minds. Girls still did not exactly match up to the women I was getting to see on the TV. All the girls I knew looked nowhere close. I did not feel like I needed to befriend someone. Times were good, when I had the whole house to myself. I would draw all the curtains to block the window panes and close the doors, and either sit on the couch or on the bed and start enjoying the new-found excitement. I never bought any Debonair or such magazine, though I found many school-mates ecstatic about them. Those days, I never got pocket money to sponsor my own personal pleasures beyond a Pepsi and an ice cream.

I fell ill for a few years till my boards. I used to have strong allergic agitations. I could not really do anything much about it, than take pills and endure the pain. Sexuality took a back stage due to the illness. I started to take academics more seriously. I started doing well and started suppressing my sexual longings under the heavy books that I had to read to get through the tough times. I would not say that it was not possible to manage both at the same time. But, I had no guidance. I relied on my instincts which were more prone to value survival than propagation. So, I relied much on television during these days, but after a while came to know from outside quarters, that I am missing out a lot in life because I did not have a desktop computer at home. I would get jealous to see AOE, Quake,etc in the PCs at my friend's places and was convinced that I had to coax my parents to get me one. I did well in the boards, well enough to convince my parents that I really needed a computer to do well further. After the secondary examination results came out, they got me an assembled computer (non-branded PC). I cajoled them to get the internet connection to learn more through the online Encyclopedia Britannica site. I had won a cd of the same in some school level competition. It served much more than I expected it to.

To Be Continued..

LOUD MOUTH

1. Not that whenever I stood outside the door and knocked, did it open.

2. Richest is he who needs the least!

3. What can't be cured must not always be endured!

4. There is a lot of hatred in the world, so is there a lot of love, and both have their reasons.

5. If history repeats itself and the expected always happens, how incapable must Man be to do something beyond the expected and not follow blindly the experience of their forefathers.

6. Very much like life, the few people and reasons what make living worth, is like Aamir khan making it worth to watch hindi movies.

7. Time is best spent wasted.

8. I have a religion and the name of the prophet is Seinfeld.

9. Even Shah Jahan had a harem.

10. Life is Hard and You Will Die, Get Over It.

11. Random calculations which no one can verify in practice, are not thrown away these days, they are kept safe in journals( read published).

12. If I had been tad fairer, and an origin to trace to the saxons,goths, vikings, may be, they would have loved me and came over to me .

13. It is a dream that philosophy, sorry, beer will set us free.

14.When people move up the stairs, how far are they above the ground?
Anonymous said: Only one fall up.

15. "The light dove, piercing in her easy flight the air and perceiving its resistance, imagines that flight would be easier still in empty space."

16.Working in an off-shoring MNC is like being an orphan.

17. Prejudice is the perverted expression of supressed desires.

18. What is not clear, is not exact.

19. The easiest to tame are those in want of something.

20. A conclusion is the stage where you got tired of thinking.

21. Only If I had batteries to sustain my desires

22. Love and Religion are for poor people.

23. "These people abstain, it is true: but the bitch Sensuality glares enviously out of all they do".

24. When every logic starts with an assumption, why do we argue?

25. There was a lull, and then there was Seinfeld.

26. "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

27. The world without Lights would have been heavier.

28. Beggars may not be choosers but their power lies in that they have nothing left to lose.

29. Often it is not too late to try differently.

30. Once the why is known, the how is easier.

31. Know the Why, learn the how, find the Who,Do it while, there is still When!

32. If f(x) does not map to y, will you change f, x or y?

33. Rich people make news, poor people are news, the middle class reads.

34. Math is like love, a simple idea but can get complicated.

35. The only problem which I can solve all by myself is may be a mathematical problem.

36. Burn the Stick, Get a Kick. Dip the Stick, Get a High.

37. I dont like the things which make me happy.

38. There's a patch of old snow in a corner That I should have guessed Was a blow-away paper the rain Had brought to rest. It is speckled with grime as if Small print overspread it, The news of a day I've forgotten-- If I ever read it.

39. To take izzat, first give izzat.

40. Every baba has/had a babe.

41. The funniest thing in life is how individuals,groups, societies, corporations,nations justify their activities.

42. Even if there is no God, entropy is good enough.

43. Rules are for those who are ready to obey them.

44. Any assumption suitably propagated is a truth.

45. Lack of choice is what being poor is all about.

46. I am not trying to divert my attention from reality by taking cocaine or falling in love.

47. How to devastate something/someone if you dont have ammunitions, fall in love, rest will follow!

48. The irrationalities of the human mind are best expressed in love and religion.

49. I looked outside with the light of my eyes, but when the light is no more, today I shall look inside.

50. I go out, take a puff and look into eternity; evrything dissolves in the smoke, my vision gets blurred and my senses get numb, my eyes get dry and my limbs feel the ground.

51. Most technologies are simple, it is made hi-fi by advertising that you can't make it.

52. Where pornography is banned, mathematics comes as the second best alternative.

53. I took pain to discover myself, all the while I regretted for the pain until I woke up one day to feel the bliss of eternity.

54. The more I live, the less I want to live on.

55. Happiness is not an ideal of reason, but of imagination.

56. Even your shit is a part of you.

57. Life is a bad joke.

58. Thinking is a bad habit.

59. Hopes tomorrow gets over fine.

60. We decide when we want to learn/acknowledge/accept something, otherwise it is always there.

61. "As above, so below, As within, so without. "

62. Everything starts with belief and ends with disbelief!

63. There may be no God, but entropy is good enough.

64. If you are thinking you are having a bad time, have patience, worse is yet to come.

65. If fate means you to lose, give it a good fight anyhow.

66. Pregnant women die out of childbirth, so do virgin men.

67. The more I see, the less I understand.

68. Once I stopped dreaming to see, now I am dreaming to stop seeing.

69. He who can fool himself is clever.

70. How I missed the train and caught the boat!

71. I crossed the wonder wall when I was under the bridge!

72. Is it just a co-incidence that fuck and luck rhyme?

73. Happiness is just one puff away!

74. The value of something is more to those who don't have it!

75. Often I lie to myself, that's how I survive.

76. Love was really popular before there was internet ;)

77. Nicotine may ruin your tomorrow, but it saves your today.

78. I wanted to move up and forward, later I realised everything was there down and back.

79. My senses have got numb with time, but I can still feel your warmth.

80. I like the dimly lit night under the moon, when they hide the irregularities and blend them with the silvery illusion.

81. Our instincts are the cumulative aggregate of the intelligence of our forefathers.

82. There is a lot of love, but just that, it is fueled by a lot of lust!

83. We experience divinity in our own ways.

84. I wonder how I often dare to get sad, even when I am well aware there is nobody to console me!

85. "If you find Me not within, may be you never will..." (Rumi)

86. I had great taste in women, I am single.

87. Relationships are like potato chips now-a-days, no one can have just one.

88. I still like to believe that not everything changes with time. 

89. One needs education to really complicate things. 

90. Who needs the truth?

91. It is no longer of consequence whether you love me or not, but it is important that I get a good night's sleep.

92. I do not trust my perceptions any more, they are generally wrong being based on reasons.

93. "Reason is the most naive of all superstitions."

94. It is really baffling to acknowledge that life is a matter of chance, not of consequence.

95. Often when I have reasons to be happy, I unearth reasons to get sad. Often when I have reasons to be sad, I try to find happiness.

96. There are two ways to live. To live more or to live more every moment.

97. One of the better things that can happen to a person is his childish belief getting fulfilled.

98. If almost all of us stay hungry and foolish, only then can there be a few 'Steve Jobs's.

99. There is an abundance of irregularities at the positions where they are sensed!

100. The most difficult thing about living is to live everyday knowing very well what they will be like! 

101. It is tough to react to a situation on its merit, without letting your experiences tell you what to do. 

102. Your heaviest burden should not be your most important possession. For all practical purposes, let your most precious possession be the lightest of  all.

103. It is just as important to reminisce about your bad experiences as much as your good memories in order to make a choice, when you have to.

104. Nothing is any more or any less than what we sense it to be. 

105. We generally like 'hot' people only, but sometimes it is not too 'cool' to accept it. 


106. If power substitutes money as the right to possession, we would require no policing. 


107. Kgp is an interesting place. You learn about life a lot, even though you don't live it there much.

108. Life is a matter of chance looking into the future, and a matter of consequence looking into the past! 

109. I guess, I know now why people believe in God. You can't put your faith on anyone else other than someone who doesn't exist.

Delhi to Gurgaon

I have gone through many difficult phases in my life during the last 5-6 years. I have gulped them down my throat and sometimes taken them up my ass and made no fuss. Every passing year, I am seeing more and naturally swallowing them down. Anyway, it hurts, mind it! Sometime back I thought I needed a change, I tried to get a job in a different place and in course of events, found myself in Gurgaon to give an interview during June, this year. There were more than one reason, none of them were professional, that I finally decided to take up the job, knowing very well where I was coming.

The very first time I landed in Delhi airport to go towards Gurgaon, I was appalled by the condition in and around the place that has made so much buzz. I had come out of the airport and was waiting for my cab driver, to take me to my company. Due to some mis-communication (lack of prevalence of Angrezi in the region & callousness on the part of some people), I had to wait for sometime, make calls to finally locate my driver. The searing heat outside made me feel I had been suffering much less at the sea-bordering city of Chennai. Anyway, still "Chennai sucks"! is what most of the people I have met, feel. It can be a whole different unending post to study the psychology of such people. But as most of the times, less said the better. Ok, we'll talk about it some other time.

The cab started, the sun was beating down so mercilessly that the a.c. inside was making hardly any difference and I had to move away from the window glass. The very good feeling of cab of travelling inside an a.c. cab disappeared in a matter of few minutes because it was evident why it was almost mandatory to travel in an enclosed box in the NCR, with heat and dust blowing all around like a mild desert hurricane. We left the highway that was going to Jaipur and took some left turn somewhere obscure and I was not sure where I was going. The cab had a radio which was playing rare good and frequently horrible hindi movie songs, that kept me interested to see more.

As I started humming some arbit Hindi song (my own voice makes me high), I received the first blow. For a moment, one who has heard me sing, is well aware that I deserve punishment. But not to the extent that followed. The road deteriorated from bad to worse in a matter of a few metres from the national highway and ultimately there was no lane as such. It seemed like I was travelling through some parched fields. The dust and the wind was almost blinding the sight from inside the cab, but still I managed to see some Indian sky-scrapers here and there. It seemed like these huge glass buildings were remnants of a civilization that once flourished in Gurgaon desert. I could see nothing on the road side, no trace of something remotely modern or developed, except rustic people covering their everything to escape the heat and the dust, and some cars bumping and jumping their way to some obscure villages here and there. I reached my office finally (please excuse the personal attachment I show towards the office and don't feel anything for God's sake, give yourself a break).

It's now more than a month since I have been going to office here, in Gurgaon. It's another matter I stay in Delhi. I sometimes wonder how skewed the development in even Delhi is. Every day I travel with wonder to office and cannot really make up my mind to laugh or cry at the horrible condition of the infrastructure in Gurgaon. I see huge residential apartments, residential complexes with names that sound like somewhere in SF Bay Area, USA and also not to mention glass-windowed high-rise buildings which are nothing but some 'offshoring' business parks. But if I take my eyes a little downward towards the ground reality, it is a reality that has truly been ground to nothingness. Beyond the national highway, the roads are in such pathetic conditions, that it reminds me of the solitary bus journey once I took from Kharagpur to Jamshedpur (now those are Maoist-infested areas) and almost regretted the entire month after that. It is very strange though why people over here are not becoming anti-nationals, even when they are living in such horrid conditions. I quickly realised however that these are smart people and have out-smarted the educated Indians These educated shirt-trousered/jeansed Indians are happy to work inside those buildings that can anyday fall down like a pack of cards, how beautiful they may look and also live inside multi-storied 2000-3000 sq feet apartments in obscure villages, with car-parking and other urban realities, that they have always dreamt to achieve. The local people however have successfully inflated the property prices to match the expectations and dreams of such moronic Indians (which include me too).

Gurgaon is a city of malls, no shops, no public transport to really rely upon, no roads, frequent power-cuts, no civic amenities, it is indeed not a city, but a disastrous attempt to build a city. The secret to living in Gurgaon is to buy a 4WD premium SUV (if not a copter) with dark window-panes in the car and myopic eyes and only open the door, when the driver says,"Mam, mall aa gaya hai". It is a shining example of the development that India is apparently making. Even I agree to that. Indian development is quite as much flawed and have loopholes like the potholes in the roads of Gurgaon that house the biggest MNCs one can name of, and the tallest residential apartments in such huge numbers scattered randomly over the marshes and deserted lands.

However, it is most funny to actually see people like us toiling hard to be part of this pathetic reality and living it like it was never better before. Honestly, I would not be here for long. But so is true for many other people, but those who have bought their houses and properties in Gurgaon, my sympathy is with them. Not because they need it, but as I show it to dumb people. The amazing reality is to see a Mercedes C class coming out of these complexes with people inside in expensive apparels and invariably wearing sunglasses (all their ancestors had been cursed with poor sun-resistant eyes in generations to come) and living the big fat Indian dreams that sum up to zilch.

Somebody I know of, was cursing the Haryana government for their inactions, which is indeed a very commonplace sentiment and of course is true. But I feel it is the people living in Gurgaon who are at a greater fault. It is their asininity and lack of temerity which translate to their lack of understanding of the way to live a life of honour. The people living in these housing complexes are seldom people of the state and are mostly white collar employees and their families coming from less prosperous parts of the country. These spineless creatures, used to offshoring for their white counterparts have lost their ability long back to speak for their own rights. Even when it comes to fight for their fundamental rights, they have lost it. The state government and municipalities of course don't care a shit about such people who are dumb and scared enough not to come out of their generator powered AC rooms and big shopping malls to face the ground reality.

Being Myself

The following article is not coherent and cohesive, but depicts my thought processes which are random fluctuations of my mind, sometimes strewn together by different feelings that emanate from my acute observation of life.

I was not born smart.Neither did education and experience enrich me in a way that I could be any smarter than just imitating people who seemed to have a lifestyle that I was desperate to attain, consciously and unconsciously(sometimes). For me, it has always been extremely puzzling to make a choice or to decide upon something. I get baffled at the slightest of difficulties and ponder about the implications and in the end, the work does not get done.

I wanted to share my precarious situation with all; those who know me well, are aware of it & those who have guessed it, I just want to assure them that it is not wrong. Interestingly, as I look back, at every stage, right from the very beginning, I found it very hard to do things, which people claimed to have been able to when they were of my age and what was expected of me seemed to be (unbelievably) unattainable.

But, there was a turn of events in my life when something different happened. I thought that I was getting smart. I felt I was getting to understand things in ways like never before and started developing confidence about myself. But to add to that, I started valuing hard work and even virtues like dedication and consistency. My value system was starting to become like people who ended up to be successful, I believed. I was developing faith on my views and opinions.

Of all that has happened to me, mostly they have happened in the academic front in my life. I somehow had no other life. So, naturally, that turn of events occurred in my school life. It's not that I have done academically good. But it's like,I was comfortable with playing cricket and never really minded playing Ranji lifelong even though fruits were sour.

I was trying to solve some textbook problems and I could solve them after sitting with them for hours and days, but nevertheless I could solve them like never before. I solved more and more and I almost exhausted the problem sets & other textbooks too. This new-found confidence, I believed defined me. I started to extrapolate and manipulate. I solved more problems for many more years till I landed up in an engineering college. During and after which, I solved none. Of late, I believe a problem is best solved when left to itself.

The confidence slowly dissolved due to lack of realization and gave way to confusion. With age, confusion accumulated and transformed into cynicism. Cynicism brought more cynicism and led to rationality and absolute rationalization. This makes a person insane. However I am not one. There is a simple reason for that. I am not capable to link up all the logic together at the same time to make me feel miserable enough to become insane.

I was talking with somebody when I just stopped listening to what that person was saying. Instead I had a realization. It seemed interesting to me. It would not to most people. Because, it is a little scary. I found a great analogy to what goes on around me, to people like me who are born in such times in such lands to such people with what I am going to talk about hereafter. It at least involves a more glorified character of a military man, who toils more and suffers no less than me.

Imagine a little boy who read the newspaper much to grow up to watch TV News Channels and then patronized by Daddy, ended up in military school with misplaced national sentiments. And he did not know that he was destined to have a hot wife, like all army men do. However, he trained hard and got through the school into the real army. He was unlucky it seems. There was war. Our military boy trained harder and was waiting to go to the front. He was struggling within himself, thinking about the glory a war can bring, the great experience that he will have and the pain and misery of course.

He knew not, he would not be called to take part in the war. It was not that he was incompetent, but the war was over. His country had lost the war. He did nt get the chance to take part, but he was still on the losing side.

Imagine yourself being him. Do you feel good? I don't. It feels strange to be him. Should you be happy that you didn't get killed in the war, should you be sad that you did not kill anyone? Should you be furious that you lost or would you bless your stars that at least you were still alive? What would you do? I would not feel anything special, than what I feel on any average day.

To Find a Rented Apartment in the Capital City

More than clothes, one needs shelter. You can be without clothes in your own house, but to be without a house to stay, even if you have a full range of clothes, is not very amusing.

I was not very particular to write anything about house hunting in Delhi. But someone requested me to. Then I thought I can write down a few things, because anywhere house hunting is quite colourful. More so, in a metro city. Thanks to some friends, I got a shelter temporarily in Gurgaon which gives me some luxury with respect to time to choose and not to settle for something (very un-Indian) My office is in some desolate place in Gurgaon, still to keep up to our expectations of doing things during our job life which we could not do much during college, we have unanimously concurred to the need for staying in Delhi.

The first thing, I mean the first menacing thing that comes to my mind when I think of getting a rented apartment or otherwise, is the Broker. The brokers have come of age, nevertheless. Some of them are 'agents', some are property consultants and some are still poor old brokers. Having had the experience of dealing with people called brokers at Chennai, I stood in no deeper waters in New Delhi and indeed it was no more difficult. At least, I can speak and negotiate in not so alien languages.

So, the boring part was to search for the listings in the different websites on the net, which I finally achieved after the first day's laziness. Thanks to my joblessness and lack of restlessness, which is surprising to me, as well. Prad and I got the numbers of the brokers, spoke with them and decided to embark on our voyage to meet them the day after, on 15th August ie.

It is not so pleasant weather we are having and I hope the weather doesn't continue further! Even if it just drizzles, Delhi roads get flooded these days and Gurgaon becomes more of Gore-Gaon. Amidst all that, Prad managed to catch cold from somewhere. So, with the rains pouring, he stayed back indoors and I left for Vasant Kunj.

Having stayed in South India, and seeing Bangalore and Chennai, the areas outside the residential complexes in Vasant Kunj looked like as developed as the villages of West Bengal which voted for Congress or BJP. Prad has been trying to convince me that Vasant Kunj is indeed one of the most posh localities and I have been trying to understand that. The rate of assimilation of that understanding is similar to when I first tried to solve combinatorics problems in school without having read the text book. I saw a few DDA flats in Sector A, Pocket B & C and if I had not seen the two girls leaning off the balcony in one of the flats, I would have indeed never understood Vasant Kunj like I never understood Combinatorics till date. Anyway, so much trouble for such visual delights, did not really motivate me. I have become a fanatic for civic amenities like roads, because much of the time I am walking when I have nothing more to do (which is equal to the time when I am not in office). So I dissuaded Prad of Vasant Kunj stating even Gurgaon is livable compared to that place, unless you really are ready to pay some huge chunk of money every month, know some people over there and also have an imported 4 WD SUV that can survive the roads. No point for us, who will eventually walk out in good clothes and catch the auto to luxury.

So what then? We decided to look for apartments in and around Safdarjung Enclave, Malviya Nagar, Hauz Khas keeping in mind the fact that ultimately we have to go Gurgaon every weekday unless my/their true talents and potentials are recognized. Prad had enough of sleep in the meanwhile, all that his tall structure needed to get back to being restless again. So on 16th, we contacted some Mr. Raj of ShaamKo Properties and a few other brokers and fixed appointments on various hours of the day like true professionals (amateurs). Much due to the metro newly built, Gurgaon has got connected to Delhi finally for a lot of young people.

Not breaking the fast that started the previous night, we set out to find a place to stay in New Delhi. We just managed to get into the station before it started pouring heavily and boarded the metro at Sikandarpur. After getting down at Qutub Minar, we were stranded due to the rains and waited till eternity before the rains halted and the autos queued up near the station. Meanwhile, we enjoyed watching Delhi getting a little wet in the rain and the smoke rising not from the grounds but the lighted end of my cigarette.

After Chennai, any autofare seems reasonable to me. And happily, we left for the well known landmark Kamal Cinema in the Safdarjung Enclave area. We were jubilant having crossed the junction near the Qutub Minar metro station without any vehicle splashing the sewer waters from what seemed like the Yamuna redirected, on us, sitting inside the auto.

Mr. Raj was a healthy fellow with broker like eyes and mouth that spoke the language of Delhi. He showed us a few apartments in and around a branch of the DPS in that area. Much to my amazement, properties in Delhi are really costly even for rentals if you want a decent locality. For us, we were looking more for convenience than class (don't know why). So, we were not really excited of all that we saw and were considering Malviya Nagar to be the next place to see around. In the meantime, Prad's frugal eating habits led us to Deepak Dhaba, next to Rajinder da Dhaba just by the Kamal Cinema.

I ordered for butter parathas with extra butter to make up for the lacklustre life that I am having and also dal to boost up my belief in my own abilities. Prad, confident of himself, settled for Egg Rice on the road side Dhaba. A broker called us up as we were busy devouring the late lunch with some raw onions while standing. Another guy, standing right across us overheard our talks and asked if we were looking for apartments for rent; he told he has one right near to that place and ordered a sub-ordinate who was caught unaware that his master was around, to get us to his house near to the fly-over. I ordered for more butter to be added to my dal as I was also perspiring a little while enjoying the awesome parathas and the hope of getting a furnished apartment within our budget. The house-owner started to blabber about what all he had in his house and that made us quite excited even though we are not totally gullible.

So we caught another auto rickshaw, by then tired of telling people we don't have any vehicles with us. Mohammadpur it was! I knew this place. I had been in and around that place last year. This seemed funny to me, to be back to that place once again. But, it would not to you, because of course you would not know the reason. The man who had come with us, led us into a small alley by the tomb at Mohammadpur. By taking a few turns through the tortuous lane, it all seemed to be so much like some secret way of the Mughal Era, we reached a tall apartment with the sky almost not visible from the ground level. We took the steps and kept on climbing till the 4th floor.But to my glee, we had rose above the surrounding concrete and between us and the sky there were nothing except the inability to fly.

The apartment was right next to an old Sultanate monument and seemed like an encroachment. However, we forgot all that as we got inside. The comfort that the huge sofa sets promised and the sight of the spacious rooms with nice bedding and the other accessories and furniture temporarily quenched the in-satiety that has been burning ever since inside us. The terrace was terrific. It offered a full 240 degrees of view that was good and another upsetting 120 degrees that lay on the opposite minor half. It seemed quite a reasonable house to stay for us. Specially, the easy accessibility and the location really made us to think that we have found our place! Somewhat, ecstatic and yet apprehensive, we called up the house-owner who invited us to his office, near to the dhaba where we met.

Mr. Radheshyam is a rich businessman. He has a number of Dhabas, bars, etc located in and around Safdarjung and stays in Vasant Kunj himself. We did not quite understand why he was offering the apartment at the price he settled with us finally. The place looked good enough to attract a lot of people. However, during the long conversation over a cup of tea, glass of cold water, peanuts and the beer, that could have been unless Prad was so unwell, I could get that he somehow wanted a steady income from this apartment without any extra hassles. So, I guess we being working class bachelors, with docile faces provided him a reasonable solution for his concern. We talked to the other guy, who was supposed to stay with us and confirmed our deal.

While returning, Prad and I had to decide between Select CityWalk and Khan Market to spend our evening with each other :D. I suggested that I had enough of the humidity and the heat and took Prad to Saket. We roamed around aimlessly for a while, before drinking some water and finally settling down near to a programmed to play Piano. Thereafter we talked about the usual stuff and speculated about the apartment and its possible loopholes. We roamed a little more, this time with a more specific aim of killing some time till it was a little less warm outside. Subsequently we made our way back to Gurgaon in the same way we had come. Then, a little more happy and a little less worried, we got inside a McDonalds in Gurgaon to have the dinner. I had some Pepsi and my denial levels had reached its brim. So I tipped over to the other side and gave fundae to a seemingly less restless Prad for all that he had gone through. The day ended followed by a deep sleep till the next day that began at 2 pm for me.

The Stint @ Chennai

This blog is destined to be quite long, so unless you enjoy reading or are obliged to for some unknown reason, you may skip it, and I am not going to make it any shorter thinking about you.

I have been staying in Chennai for an year and a month, that started on 3rd July, 2009 and is destined to end tomorrow on the 13th of August,2010. Incidentally, I am moving to New Delhi, while India prepares for the Independence Day. (unrelated)

How did it all begin? Well, I had the least little idea about what to do after I finished with my college in the May of 2009. All that I knew was I had to get money. I could't live off my parents any further. Anyway, I got a job after the first few days of campus placements (Dec'08). I had no idea what the job would be like. I didn't even know where the posting would be. I knew all are equally sucking, some more sugar-coated. I came to know during the interviews, that I ll be deported to the southern part of India, somewhere near Chennai. I got selected somehow. At that point of time, everything seemed far off and I had some other things to worry about (to pass out of college, I had a feeling I could flunk in my final year project and stay for another year in KGP). I somehow had no clue what would save me from that, except some divine intervention, considering my own efforts in that direction were not much of a choice for me!

I did pass out of college.However by then, I was having a turmoil in my personal life, I was getting over that. I arrived at Chennai a couple of days before my joining date.

I would not spend much time bothering anyone including myself about what my job was like. I am trying to forget it. Infact, I would have to remember it again, when I land up for some interview in future and lie about what I learnt in the one year I worked in the company, where I did. But I just hope, I meet some chilled out person, with some sense, and a little sense of humour, who would recruit me one day and would not ask such questions. (In that 70s show, Steven Hyde gets one). But it's too much to ask for. Anyway, let's talk about something else.

What all comes to my mind tonight, when I look back over the last one year at Chennai, may be are the highlights of my stay over there. I can see some places flashing in my mind, some faces that come by and some desolate hours that are still haunting me.

I would not blabber about the obvious. Day to day life is not so much fun like a movie or a theater and not even similar to what we like to believe it is. I would skip the mundane stuff and the serious stuff that contributed to the major part of life, which I wish I could have done away without (but, it is never so anywhere).

Rather I would talk about the moments, the people, the places, the situations which made me feel a little excited or amazed or totally frustrated.

Anything in life can be broadly classified into two subsets, unless you are a hypocrite to the core or you really can possess and express the feeling of indifference. Those two discrete classifications are: you like it or you don't. I am sure of myself that I exhibit a lot of indifference in my own life towards certain things, fluctuating over time nonetheless. So, we would also talk about certain critical aspects of Chennai, which I am really indifferent to (I didn't care about).

The things about Chennai which I liked:

1. The sea:

Infact, I had to walk for some 5-8 mins from my place of stay and I reached the beach. It's an awesome luxury for someone who is "hydro-philic' like me. In fact, it was the right distance as for me, to light a fag and by the time I reached the beach, it just got over. I call it the optimum distance :P.

2. The Ladies Night at Ten Downing Street:

It was the first time in my life I crashed into some place where I was least invited. Ya, somewhere in August'09, Rajesh, Geetansh and I managed to get inside TDS by asking gals, whom we didnt know, to help us entering the pub, as stags were not allowed on the Ladies Night. Thereafter, we were never tired or demotivated to repeat it. And amazingly, as I look back, we did it successfully every time we tried. On a serious note, it's interesting to note how often success is just directly dependent on a wholehearted attempt. We did hit upon random gals. We never landed up behind the bars. But finally one day got kicked out. And there was Raj with me and Rajesh that day. We got back to Thiruvanmiyur, three of us on a single bike from 10 D directly. Thereafter, a little drunk as I was, I blabbered a lot of arbit (historic) stuff about Chengiz Khan lying on the beach. Intoxication made them to listen to me. Rationality drives people away from one another. Cheers to Rajesh Gupta!

3. La Magica at Mahabalipuram:

Any motorized vehicle would take you to Mahabs within an hour from Chennai, unless you met with an accident in between. We discovered an awesome place to stay(cheap and comfortable and with a sea view) and it had a sexy roof top restaurant that served no less awesome sea food along with chilled beer. It's right on the beach and you would find a lot of foreigners around you, which would be a "drooling factor" for married or unmarried, starved or well-fed Indians (men and women alike).

4. Murugan Idli Shop:

Quality food, extraordinary chutneys.

5. East Coast Road (ECR):

I lived in the eastern parts of India mostly and to me an Audi or BMW or a Mercedes convertible or a Volvo or a Chrysler are only brands whose logos I have been seeing for quizzing purposes. But to see them so regularly on road in India, was quite unexpected to me until I happened to stay close to the ECR.

6. Sea Shell on Gream's Road:

I have to give my thanks to Baba aka Swarnendu (in this birth) for grilling us often to taste the grilled chicken over there which ultimately I had for a couple of times before leaving Chennai. Also to mention the Arabian Falooda, was equally amazing.

7. Grounded at Adyar:

I started playing pool over here and mastered it to some unembarassing level soon. Thanks to Beriya & Mayank for company. I loved the sandwiches over here, specially the potato chips supplement.

8. Nungambakkam:

The first time I went to this place, I loved it. I liked it always. There was something about this place apart from the gals one can see over here, that made me feel good every time I did come over. Mocha was good, so was Casa Piccola and the myriad of shops and eateries in and around. Opal Inn at the Ranjith Hotel, next to the Taj Coromandal stands out to be the best eating place I have been to, in Chennai. A little ahead of that was the Calcutta Pan shop and Ganpat's. (Thanks to Anirud I came to know about these places)

9. The occasional train ride to Paranur (Mahindra World City):

In case I missed my office bus, the most convenient of all the horrible alternatives present was the local train from Guindy to Paranur/SP Koil. Nevertheless, how horrible it seemed from back at Thiruvanmiyur, the local train always had something in it, to cheer me up. Be it the occasional random Infy gals or the cool breeze blowing despite the blazing sun, or just my mp3 player. In extreme scenarios, I have the god given talent of finding a reason to be happy on board the train, to stand on the footboard and lean outward.

10. Pupil Burger at Besant Nagar & Elliot Beach:

These places are very much unlike to what someone who don't suggest you to go to Chennai thinks of it. I mean these are places where you feel a little elated may be due to some 'colonial' genetic impulses we have acquired/inherited. Basically, excellent location.


The Things about Chennai which I did not like:

1. The Auto Fares:

Well, the thumb rule in Chennai is to pay less than or equal to the half of the amount the Autowallas are going to demand. How you are going to arrive at that depends on your negotiation skills! A true test of character, one over which you can select your partner for sure.

2. The radio only aired one English channel and no Hindi radio station.

3. Mayajaal:

For God's sake, have mercy on us! They expect people to drive that far on ECR for Mayajaal!
It could be so much better, with so many people looking for a weekend getaway. So much potential to tap in the money people are wanting to spend to get over loneliness and dissatisfaction.

4. Ananthraman's Dogs:

The first house we put up in Tambaram was not quite great. To add to the woes, the landlord Mr. Ananthraman had two miserable dogs who never quite got used to anyone staying in their house and needed almost no provocation to jump at you or sniffle at you for your lifetime, till you got frustrated and just jumped off the terrace.

5. Rajkrishna Raman's obscure way of thinking and screwed up perspectives before he met me:

I think I have just explained myself above and later when he changed, I found it better in all respects.

6. The meetings with the Japanese (the i-meetings or video conferences):

Btw, I was working in Nissan. The worst experience was when some Japanese came all the way to tell us how horrible India is (ie you are too) and that too blatantly. He could have sugar coated it like some Americans/Britishers would.


7. The spurious cigarettes and the TASMAC conspiracy:

There is a finitely large probability of finding spurious cigarettes in Chennai. An expert regular smoker can tell the difference.

Worse than that is, only liqour produced in Tamil Nadu can be sold inside the state. And, they produce only a limited range, that too only inferior quality ones. So for Vodka, you have Romanov, for beer, only KF and for whisky, Signature and at best, you get Teachers. There is nothing more. Or you go to some high end bar or pub to get your desired liqour that makes your senses flexible to the desired extent! This is quite horrible despite the fact, now a days, I don't consume much alcohol.

8. The ignorance of the people of the state about Busty:

Busty is known to the ordinary people as Sunil Kumar. However, for the fortunate ones, who have come to know about him, they have accepted his theory about " The world and The Stuff" and stand before him in awe. For the rest, I have much detest.
If you don't understand movies like Inception, then you need to meet Busty because much before it was screened, Busty had figured it out all about dreams and states in which our minds can stably dwell. To hell, those who dont know about Busty! The golden boy from Bangalore can be the next big thing in Chennai after Rajnikanth if his ideas are popularized and propagated through suitable media.

9. Landlords and house-owners who gave flats on rent, in general.

10. The Standing Junta in the Public Buses

Guys or junta in general would stand with their faces towards the left hand section of the bus, while standing on the right hand section of the bus on the aisle looking towards where the females would sit. Mostly, they would do it unconsciously I assume. But to me, it seemed odd, why people would stand with their back towards the passengers who are sitting, and their faces turned towards the other side. One generally keeps a watch if some one is getting up or not. This phenomenon is quite contrary to the standing configuration or posture maintained in a crowded Kolkata bus, where I hail from. Not that I mean people in Kolkata are any more civilized.


The things about Chennai which I am indifferent to:


1. The Language:

The most common cause of antipathy of a North Indian in a South Indian city is the Language.
I managed without any notable discomfort except for the one occasion when I had to shave my head due to some miscommunication between the barber and me over shaving my beard.

2. The Food:

I love Vadas and the occasional idli, even sometimes dosai too. I loved the poriyal and the more-something (no point even if I manage to pronounce it or spell it :P). But I would not miss them much, once I am out of Chennai.

3. The average looks of the female population:

Once someone important to me, said " The more the important the thing is, we don't discuss it". So I have made a habit of discussing things which have some significance in my life.
Well, after some torrid years in a sleepy beautiful town in West Bengal, however, the successful Kgpian expresses himself eloquently, the smell of abstinence does come out smoothly to any sensitive 'nosy' individual. Having acquaintances with people who would be otherwise ashamed to talk about their opinions in a public forum, despite the inner understanding among people about their opinions, I still remain quite indifferent to the average not so good looking females one encounters in the city of Chennai (leave the Tam Brams and the Mallus and the other migrants).

4. The people don't speak Hindi:

I know English. They speak English. We talked.

5. The Weather:

India is quite hot everywhere, except in the hills. And most of the population live in the plains. So India is a typically hot country, with high humidity in some places to accompany. Chennai is no exception and it's not a desert like Thar. So I didn't feel any more bad than I felt travelling in Kolkata or some other parts of India. As for winters, Chennai is comfortable, it's not freezing.
Otherwise, get an AC. I had one at my place of stay.


An year it was at Chennai that saw me growing in years and decaying as an individual as is the general rule. I had a lot of fun, a lot of agony, some isolation, some moments of glory, some bitterness, some struggles, some despair, some relief, quite a bit of freaking out, lot of frustration and a close escape on my bike ride to Pondicherry on 20th of December 2009 when I met with an accident. This was an year I read a lot of books, specially read about Nietzsche, got totally cynical, fought with people and raged war of words, enlightened myself and the people around me till they had enough of me. However, as all good things and bad things and everything else come to an end, my stint at Chennai is over for the time being.

Love, No Sex and a Little Dhoka

The content of the blog is a little personal, however, time has shifted enough in a direction that it can be put in a blog. This is not an attempt to eradicate my image of a pessimistic realist, I ll always be one. However, this is more of what can happen to you, if you can shed your fears and pretensions, as it happened to me once.

I once wrote a letter to someone, not in mail, but a handwritten one, which I happened to come across today, as I was packing my things. I felt, I should keep it safe in somewhere, which will not get misplaced as easily as a piece of paper can, over a period of time. Not that it always does.

For the many mails and letters and etc, that men have written to women, not all have got unanswered. Even this one, I wrote, got a fitting response. As far as the title of the post goes, it has got little to do with the content. I think that is the convention now a days. I just tried to play smart like them. The letter is unchanged as what I had written that day, to preserve what it does hold in it.

I am X, she is Y.

Y,

I woke up early today in the morning. I was feeling different from the other mornings. I realised a sense of longing towards you. I fight with myself to remain a man of zero expectations. But, couldn't today. It has been a wonderful experience to interact with you, especially over the last two days. I think you have provoked my imagination. I love the state of my mind. I love the feeling that I have experienced because of you. Keeping in mind of everything, I want to dream again after years. I'll miss you after you leave this place. I like to write. However, I am writing after five years. I spoke about what I expect of someone, whom I love yesterday. I want her to understand, appreciate, inspire and love me.I dont know whether you understand me, or appreciate me or love me. But the fact that I am writing today is a miracle for me. You have inspired me. Dreams have not ended well for me, mostly. But, several times in my life, I have dreamt about something or the other. However, time has taught me to suppress my dreams. Today I want to express my emotions.
Should I dream?
Your music, which I hear in my heart, will linger for a long time even if it's heard no more. But, I really wish to prolong this feeling and the sense of beauty of the dream I'm seeing with you.
What do you think about us, ie you and me?

X

The fitting response, that followed however was complex for me to understand at that point of time. I shall not make fun in this blog. So keeping in mind of the tempo of the blog, I wish to say that I do understand it better at this date.

X,

We always believe that life is fair
No Matter how unfair we are -

Let me Believe that once again
& wish that it gives me
at least one more chance
to think, to ponder & still
after all that ......... follow
Our Instincts -

It was gr8 being with you. Hope to c ya soon.

Be yourself and get over that 'laziness' of not wanting to try things.

Y

I wish to conclude by typing down a quote by Nietzsche and I'm not paraphrasing.

"The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions."

The Life and Times of DK Bose :D

Disclaimer: All characters (mostly me and DK) appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

I had passed out of school at that point of time, and it was just before entering the college. It was afternoon and I was returning home after a day out at the JU Campus. I saw a very tall guy with curly hairs, blinking his eyes and coming towards me. I felt that I have seen him before. And, then when he smiled, I realised I knew him. I didnt remember his name may be, right there. But thereafter I never forgot.

This DK Bose story has so much potential, that I fear I may not be able to do justice to the plot. It ideally should go through multiple edits before one publishes it. But we would nt care for such formality and methodology, as it is very un-DKB0se-ish. He would rather copy and paste a story from somewhere, and replace all the names with DK Bose, etc etc and publish it, if at all he needs it to.

It was during my college days that I came to know much about him, as he was studying something similarly horrible to what I was doing. He regretted it much more than what I do. However, the regrets were on a sinusoid from his side, specially he would hit the crests subsequent to talking to the more fortunate guys who were not, where we were.

DK, as we would call him henceforth, used to have 3 basic qualities ingrained in him, by some Gandolf the White, which follow:
1. DK's Frugality: Save money, whenever possible and spend money only when satisfaction is guaranteed (like say sex) :P
2. The DK Way: 101 ways to get back money if he owed from someone without letting him know that he wants it
3. DK's awesomeness: No this is not about money. DK Bose used to live in denial (similar to me, but he does not like to admit). So, he had his own ways of cooking up ideologies that could validate his denial strategies. Often, there would be total failure in sustaining the strategy, leading to intense physical activities (like gymming, cycling, etc etc ;) on his part along with very ardent wiki research and documentary hunting.

Over and above, DK used to be very amicable and intrinsically docile (not on the surface) which gave me the chance to get along well with him and thus today, I am able to furnish the details.

The highlights of my acquaintance with DK Bose:

1. The cycle trip on the DVC side of Kharagpur in 1st year:

DK told me that there is a wonderful hangout spot on the DVC side. I trusted him because he was handsome then. Hangout in our parts of the world, ie KGP and similar places, meant places where there was no Junta, a little shady, breeze blowing, railway tracks, a little greenery and random rustic chicks from the north-east. But anyway, we started out on our cycles and took a left turn at the main gate and were speeding past the walls of our college boundary. Abruptly, the road bifurcated into the normal tarred road and a pebble-strewn muddy village road that led to some nowhere. We of course took the path less taken. My cycle was my pride, his own was not so much of DK's. So I was leading. He asked me to take the next right and we maneuvered our way past chickens, and Santhali women carrying their baskets. We met the blind end. But DK explained that we have to cross the fields of barren lands on the cycle to go to the shady cool hangout spot of ours. Eventually I stopped seeing a trench of muddy, dark sewer water that separated us from the endless vistas. DK interrupted me and convinced me to follow him. He somehow managed to cross with his long legs and huge stature that could easily lift his cycle. I fell in the trench and my feet got drenched in the stinky waters and by now, our trousers were spotted with the muddy imprints which were stinking like hell. We did nt find the ultimate destination so cool as DK promised. Somehow we came back and bathed to normalcy along with our cycles. I was pissed off, but DK intervened with the line that created history for the upcoming years of our relationship. "It was a new place."

2. The SF 1st year phone call:

DKB had called up some "long lost" friend who was a girl during our first cultural fest. He introduced himself on the phone, saying who he was and what he was doing and if she would blah blah blah. DKB's middle name was funny for a guy who looked so cool. Additionally when he told the gal that he was studying some XYZ course in Engineering in the ABC dept of our institute, before asking the girl out, stands out tall like him. However, the gal had already "cut the line". (though there are many versions available of this, but this is one, more probable of them). After that I never found DK talking to a gal, when I was around.

3. The trip to Panchalingeswar Temple in our seniour years:

DK had convinced me and another guy after serious debate over the weekend trip, that Balasore is the most interesting place in and around KGP with the maximum tourist spots. After catching the early morning Dhauli express, we landed in the hot and sultry Balasore, only to find the more intense Auto Rickshaw-wallahs pouncing upon us. We had as usual wikied things. So we knew where we were going. We always knew about that, only everytime we got surprised that things on the wiki and reality seldom matched to our expectation levels.( I stopped expecting things subsequently). We sped in our auto-rickshaw towards the sacred lingam, Panchalingeswar, as an act of penance that would slowly get revealed as we were nearing the spot. There was no road to Panchalingeswar. It was being built. "If you want to go, you can try."We tried. We reached half-baked and almost dying of backache. We got asskicked royally. DK was feeling OK. I was furious due to the heat and frustration and my usual hunger. The other guy had got numb out of pain. DK was smiling, saying it is a new place only. I could have killed him right there, if I were as frustrated as I would be in later years, or if I had a gun. We climbed up the 100 stairs to find a typical temple, which was dilapidated and was undergoing some cement work. Few married couples were praying to God over there, I dont know why. Marriage is a difficult discipline to follow, but those who had reached Panchalingeswar surely would succeed in their own ventures.
We left the place and went to Chandipore. Thereafter we never trusted DK, despite he continuing to grow skinnier and more handsome.

4. The Kolkata Episode post KGP:

There was one day when DK had told his parents that he went out with DJ, and also DJ that he was out with me. It was a red-letter day :D. If it's not funny for you, let it be not :P.

5. DK's wardrobe over the years:

DK had a distinct set of clothes for Kolkata and KGP. What he wore in KGP, were generally what he picked from some Hurricane or flood relief camps when nobody was looking. Or, those which he had bought in Esplanade during the last day of the Mega Sale from the corner shop of the Muslim Uncle. He however is generally very upset when his wardrobe is publicly referred to, but I have this bad habit of upsetting people :P. DK's other set is however the ones, which he bought when he was in school and his parents loved him much to buy him whatever clothes he wanted to. However, DK-nomics or DK's frugality,however you like to call it, would finally take over him, not to replenish his wardrobe with something new after school. These things have changed recently, so if you, by some chance (remote), are a girl, then DK has changed for the better. DK's priced possession includes his old Newport jeans, which may be the last specimen of Newport anyone has. Other auctionable wardrobe items are better not explicitly discussed in a public forum (:P). DK got this TIMEX watch when he was in class 6 and till today it runs fine. People have asked him about it in airports and clubs, and he said, they generally appreciated it.

6. DK's vision:

This is not similar to the objectives and the vision of Abdul Kalam type of things. This is simple. If DK can see or not. DK can see, you fools. DK is a little myopic, but you would not see him in his specs if you knew him in college days. However, very interestingly, he gave up wearing contact lenses once he left kgp, and would often wear the thick specs :|. This is very astonishing as lenses are not only cool but also good for the eyes, as far as I remember! Someone, who used to wear the contacts in the heat and dust and desert life of Kgp, that person , going back to glasses in an urban set-up has baffled me to this date. However, he wears the contacts mostly when he is wearing the treasured apparels of his, which he gives for ironing and maintains like the platinum-iridium scale for the length of the metre in somewhere in Europe.

7. DK's cosmetics:

If you could only see DK going to bath! With a handful or arms-full I should say, set of hair cleaners and shampoos, etc etc (:D :D), DK ventures into the bath once in 3-4 days. Generally, the dust in his curly locks doesnt bother him. The mysteries that remain locked in his locks have been unlocking since his days in KGP, but DK has started taking adequate measures, that the rate of unlocking is under check :). Dolly, an Axomia, who despite being smart, did nt make it to DU, takes a lot of pleasure in DK's and my situation, I presume :D. Other cosmetic items are nonetheless same for all the people who dont take regular bath.

8. DK's food habits:

DK liked to eat anything that came cheap and was tasty when he was in college. Be it oily roll, or semi-cooked momos, or even VS canteen stuff. The most fascinating story however goes back to 1st year again, when DK and a few of us had a nite out and decided to go to sleep as we got tired by 7 in the morning. DK stayed awake till 7.30 to have the Dosa in the hall mess (Dosa on Sat was supposedly good) and then went to sleep. The utter loyalty to mess food on DK's part has often been related to his frugal ways and not wasting money on oily expensive stuff, which made the majority happy. DK often asked some of us to go the sweet shop for having sweets outside the main gate. It was only afterwards, I discovered that this was a master-stroke from DK over making us pay for his sweets in place of the balance amount which we were supposed to give him back.

DK Bose is destined to remain cool as long as he remains a bachelor. Some of us fear that we may be deleted from his phone memory and email accounts, once he lands his large fists on some rich upper class Hottie sooner or later. Till that day, we(at least I will) may keep our fingers crossed so that DK does something unique to give me an opportunity to kill time upon.

I don't love Hamburger that much :D

Well, studying in an elite college located in a small 'sleepy' town in India, the only way to make up for the lost time and make it big in life, before it was too late, is what? What choice does a middle class Indian boy, who is very risk-avert has? Yes, my relatives and friends and well wishers know the answer. Don't tell me you don't.

Ok, you were close. No it's not that league of prestigious institutes in India. I mean, you still become big-shot that way. But dude, you miss out on certain things, the bigger perspective.
By now, unless you are really screwed up, you know I am talking about going to Merica(did I miss out the A). Ok, there are many states over there too, like India. But they are more united, and so we call them the United States of America.

Of course, there are many other countries where the majority population has a fair complexion with high libido. Some of them are very developed too. It's only Natural to dream to be there.
I wont deny that I tried to be there too and will again try, because that's what is NATURAL. I almost got my opportunity to put my teeth on the cherished "Hamburgerrr". But, then somethings happened over which I had no control. Recession it was. Considering my average academic track record which was only declining from bad to worse, I definitely did nt appear as bright and docile to be enslaved to slog more in the name of innovation and creativity. So, I did not manage funding. Ok, I forgot all those with time. I had bigger worries. It was a while, I did nt get laid.

Anyway, I had come to gather that it would be only next to impossible to address my growing concerns and aspirations in a 3rd world country with much corruption. They meant to say, there are no nude beaches and strip clubs. People live with their family, they just cant get laid like that. It doesnt mean they won't, for principles. But I felt no hurry. I guess I was a little tired and very happy to get out of my elitist company.

Of late, though, staying in India and eating Idlis instead of burgers (I can choose between both though) I have come to realise that it is difficult to run away from misery! Strangely though, I did not think my miseries would end if I left the country and went to US. I somehow continued thinking that my miseries are more to do with me than people outside.

Anyway, we are digressing. I mean I am, while writing.

I don't like pizzas really. I don't know where it originally is from, because I really don't care to know. To pay for such shitty food with excess cheese and dried frozen vegetables, I had to be really mindless. Anyway, I had enough of masala kulcha in my college days to try pizza. I do like sandwiches and burgers. But I often dont go to KFC because there is one guy who is closer by my house and makes decent ones at a fair price. Imagine, crossing the sea for that.
We all know, why we want to go to USA. Oh Yes! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ but some people will (not) beg to differ(yes). Ok, Blondes? Sorry, you meant quality of work, environment and climate? I am quite perverted actually, to be honest.

Not all those who end up going there are perverted. There are many brilliant minds with good ideas who actually get appreciated in that country, which is more liberal and congenial for meritorious/hard-working people. SHIT, do you know what their charter of independence says? All men are born equal. But anyway, who cares. Thomas Jefferson is dead. So is John Locke. If not for the neo Americans, we would have never worn, eaten and done stuff that makes life pleasant and bearable, sitting in India( a very hot country, especially down south and poor in the east).

I never wore much Jeans in college days. It is fucking hot there where I lived for completing my education. There, you will sweat a lot and smell foul unless you use Deo or just don't care how you smell. So, I used to wear comfortable cotton trousers to beat the heat. Anyway, I just didnt understand how to get girls back then. So, I thought why make myself uncomfortable also by wearing denim in tropically hot climate. I could never emulate the perceived American way of living. I never had the clue how to do it. Also, I find Baskin Robbins way too costly for wat it is of worth.

There may be other reasons why Indians prefer to go to America, eat hamburgers, ok now you also get veg burgers and veg steaks( :P) in India to fulfill the not-so-intelligent or less-influential, poor Indians' dreams of America at their doorstep. I know inside, they react like Steve Martin as Jacques Clouseau on tasting the first dhmmwwaagrre. I could never figure out anything else, except that it is just another country where people have a higher income and lifestyle and we feel good to look at them and consider ourselves to be a part of their society. Like some dogs who behave wild in the forest, may be because they see the tigers and then those who live in crowded places, forget their wild habits for some damn reason.

It is only of late, I earn enough to buy even Adidas apparels and shoes, though I look obese enough to not really present a sporty look despite the world's best brands. Americans on the other hand, have been instrumental enough to create a fantastic image of their country in the minds of Indians through their intelligent advertisements and propaganda through the visual media, which are not all untrue. It is like if you tell a kiddo that you can pay some 500 bucks for sex, and not say about the STDs he can get from the hooker upon doing that, why would he not do it actually? Any rational guy will do it, of course he has to be a little desparate(which I can appreciate) and quite ignorant(which is normal). So, Indians also fall in the trap and do eat the hamburgers!

Coming back to the point(there is no point inside a blog), my concerns have risen and fallen with time. I may end up going there to be recognised in the society, else they would not give me a chance to speak and feel like an achiever. And, if I dont muster enough courage to do something on my own, which is again way too difficult, America will remain a sweet dream, the ladder to the luxuries and comforts of life that will take my breathe away, or wait, will it forever?

P.S. This is not America bashing. I have not been there, dont know more than 10 Americans in reality. How can I comment on them? This is just about us.

Once Upon a Time in Mumbai

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAI (It was Bombay then :P)

I don't know how people are able to live long and wish to do so even after living for so many years. I find it very difficult to live. May be I am suffering from some psychotic disorder. But you cant blame me much, I have seen a lot of hindi movies since childhood.

It is out of the difficulty to kill time over a weekend, which grows exponentially on Saturday and then slowly dies down by Sunday night, to give in to a Monday that does not promise anything but more misery, guaranteed over the next 5 days, with a relief that there will be another weekend to follow, I happened to go to a theater and watch another Bollywood Blockbuster. I can very well change the topic of discussion right now, but I have already put in the title before writing. So I am sticking to it.

Watching these kind of hindi movies, gives me a sick feeling it's cool to be a gangstar. You get money, you are unanswerable to none, you get hot chicks, and last but not the least, you have power. Why don't you be a gangstar man? They are smart people, have ethics, and work in co-operation. Bollywood's celebration of Bhai giri has never ended, which only shows a lack of taste and also the secret inspiration that keeps the industry rolling. They want to tell all poor kids and the unfortunate ones that the game is not over yet. Why dont you do a Sultan Mirza which guarantees you these successes? It is nothing but cheap shit. Inicidentally, Sultan Mirza (Ajay Devgan) "only smuggles goods which are not permitted for trade by the govt." But not drugs. WTF, why not? He smuggles electronic goods, etc etc but not drugs, because it is unethical. What kind of bullshit is that? He does unlawful things, he threatens the government, but he has never killed anyone in the city, because it is un-Godly. Make it more realistic, and research better.

Glorification of evil is a philosophy in itself. There have been many exponents. However, these may be tried by people of the likes of Tarantino, who understand things. But for Bollywood, I dont suggest.

The funniest thing about a Bollywood gangstar is that he is seldom unethical and quite generous and people really love him. Unlike Keyser Soze. But then you really cant put up this complaint, because Emraan Hashmi will get furious. But that would make me laugh even more, looking at his attempt to be ruthless. He is less horrible with kissing semi-nude gals and I would not mind him doing that, than try playing with guns. Simply because, even insanity or boredom or frustration cant take me to the theatre to watch one of those.

Ajay Devgan is real good though, a break from the type-casts. (But when a film is produced by Ekta Kapoor, what more can he really do) My early lascivious fantasies were mostly rooted to Bollywood sleazy numbers, and the macho-spirit that would provoke me, I can attribute to Ajay Devgan over his 90s fighting skills, which eventually paved the way for him to show also his acting skills over time.

I dont mind seeing women wearing nothing or wearing something which means nothing. But to watch that in a theatre with some 300 people staring and celebrating their nudity appears very sickening to me. Kangana is more than happy to display her assets by wearing dresses, which can only lead to rape, in anywhere in India, other than many be in the elite circles, where may be sex is not a taboo or among the carefree tribals in whatsoever part of India.

Prachi Desai(Mumtaz) also looks so good, but does not mind that her lover is a potential killer and aspire to be an anti-social goon & a true smuggler. Actually, I later realised it was a sarcasm on the part of the director to portray that most good looking women are dumb. Then I enjoyed it. She is more than happy to make out with him inside the jewellery shop, which doesnt seem to have a cosy corner(customers and other shopkeepers watching) or someplace where Hashmi can show his skills which he has mastered over all these years of hard work. These people simply didnt care to see them making out until one man did. But then (Shoaib) Hashmi's funny macho look scared the shit of that guy, who then was ogling at Prachi's visible skin with fear and not lust. Even in the monasteries, if you make out, I guess the Lamas will watch.(not part of the Emmanuelle fantasy)

I think I did not give due credit to Kangana for looking so sexy. So I thought I ll spend more lines on her, here. She is a top-notch sexy actress in the movie (more than Monica Bedi though).
Anyway in the initial phase of the movie, she comments that (she is made to comment, because she gets money, but whatever) she would fall in love with a person who can win her over in 5 secs or some crappy time limit. What kind of a dumbf**k remark is that? How can someone come up with such a script and dialogue. Then she drools over a guy(Ajay Devgan) because some lame guys here and there know him as Sultan Mirza and then she doesnt even want to know what he does, because anyway he is rich. That does make a lot of sense to me, though. Female characters are really made fun of in Bollywood movies. I dont know why some feminists dont get angry. I think they also want to look good and seek attention like Bollywood heroines in their movies, hence they dont have the guts to condemn these.

The ACP, played by Randeep Hooda, is all words. It seems that before joining the police force, he was studying in some groovy Arts College in Mumbai. He does nothing, no shooting, no fighting, he watches everything happening, doesnt make a plan and when he meets the gangstars, he shares dialogues with them trying to know who can speak better. His voice is good and he has got style, but the script made him look so damn stupid, that I feel pity for him.

Finally, the movie got over and I had to smoke a few cigarettes to get over my stint with what happened inside the theater. There were some not so bad looking gals out there. We ignored them, like we have seen many and dont bother even if they would strip right there. It was kind of late.

Coming back to the movie, the last scene showing Shoaib (Hashmi) smoking and smiling is one of the worst uncharismatic, dull ending of a Gangstar movie that one can come up with. In the finishing quarters of the movie, Ajay Devgan suddenly wants to join politics and change his ways of life (part of the remorse!!!!). What a decision! I have stopped going to brothels, because now I call them at my place. Mama says "Nice Beta". Anyway, Sultan Mirza's lecture infront of the masses, who are majorly Muslim, is very dragging and in that scene, he is supposed to get shot. Even knowing the climax, I felt no tension and although supposedly it was very thrilling, no chill ran through my spine. And when Emran Haashmi came out with the gun, I smirked. So did he, after killing Devgan. As if killing one man, ensures you to the title of THE DON in Mumbai, even if he is the established Don. The sequence was boring and funny and seeing Kangana on stage, my attention was driven to somewhere else altogether. This part reminds me of one of my silliest jokes, that I often repeat, recollecting about KGP. I spent some time sitting on the tracks near Kharagpur. So, few of the goods train, which we could hear from a distance would be so fucking slow, that even if I decided to commit suicide then and there, I ll get bored and ultimately leave before the train finally reaches me. That was also ONCE UPON A TIME IN KGP and believe me it was equally thrill-less.

I wanna be a Blogstar!

I find it difficult to write about one thing for long. It gets so boring after the first few sentences, that I generally open a third window(second one is the workspace) to vent my frustration. However, recently I have been reading blogs of people, and seeing them write, I felt that I too want to be a part of the brethren being a lonely man, myself.
I kind of relate with a German philosopher whose name I can pronounce, called Friedrich Nietzsche. Often, the intellectual (read lazy) people like qoutes of Nietzsche, because his questions can't be answered. This guy was very lonely, also sick and some say, he was ugly too. I can appreciate why he resorted to philosophy. So, anyway, this guy had said a few things which are still appealing to me. In fact, I also like to say that "It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book. "
Still I have decided that I am going to write more, and put my cynical thoughts to a more structured format, though most are saved in gmail history as 'saved chats'. I find this forum equally effective. As far as content is concerned, it's always going to be congruent with my mood and situation. I am not a very generous man, but ambitious still. So, for readers, I would plead to forgive me over contradictions in ideas over blogs which I plan to write, as hypocricy is as much inside me as it is out there. I just throw it out with my words often.
I love sarcasm, but often it is not funny. Just screwing people or organisations or customs with slander remarks doesnt appear to be appealing enough to me. (unless you do it really well). One man does it. He is Jerry Seinfeld.
For us, who are not Seinfelds, let's keep our learning-sarcasm nerve centre in the brain active and not behave like we-have-seen-it-alls. Because, we haven't.
Oh yes, why talk about sarcasm? Anything else is repulsive to me. Otherwise useful information is never put up in the net for free. If any such you think is of use to you, then you are an asshole or a prodigy. I have not seen a prodigy as such, I dont write imagining they will be reading blogs. So for the rest, I guess it's going to be a journey through the tortuous alleys of my mind.