Thursday, July 29, 2010

I don't love Hamburger that much :D

Well, studying in an elite college located in a small 'sleepy' town in India, the only way to make up for the lost time and make it big in life, before it was too late, is what? What choice does a middle class Indian boy, who is very risk-avert has? Yes, my relatives and friends and well wishers know the answer. Don't tell me you don't.

Ok, you were close. No it's not that league of prestigious institutes in India. I mean, you still become big-shot that way. But dude, you miss out on certain things, the bigger perspective.
By now, unless you are really screwed up, you know I am talking about going to Merica(did I miss out the A). Ok, there are many states over there too, like India. But they are more united, and so we call them the United States of America.

Of course, there are many other countries where the majority population has a fair complexion with high libido. Some of them are very developed too. It's only Natural to dream to be there.
I wont deny that I tried to be there too and will again try, because that's what is NATURAL. I almost got my opportunity to put my teeth on the cherished "Hamburgerrr". But, then somethings happened over which I had no control. Recession it was. Considering my average academic track record which was only declining from bad to worse, I definitely did nt appear as bright and docile to be enslaved to slog more in the name of innovation and creativity. So, I did not manage funding. Ok, I forgot all those with time. I had bigger worries. It was a while, I did nt get laid.

Anyway, I had come to gather that it would be only next to impossible to address my growing concerns and aspirations in a 3rd world country with much corruption. They meant to say, there are no nude beaches and strip clubs. People live with their family, they just cant get laid like that. It doesnt mean they won't, for principles. But I felt no hurry. I guess I was a little tired and very happy to get out of my elitist company.

Of late, though, staying in India and eating Idlis instead of burgers (I can choose between both though) I have come to realise that it is difficult to run away from misery! Strangely though, I did not think my miseries would end if I left the country and went to US. I somehow continued thinking that my miseries are more to do with me than people outside.

Anyway, we are digressing. I mean I am, while writing.

I don't like pizzas really. I don't know where it originally is from, because I really don't care to know. To pay for such shitty food with excess cheese and dried frozen vegetables, I had to be really mindless. Anyway, I had enough of masala kulcha in my college days to try pizza. I do like sandwiches and burgers. But I often dont go to KFC because there is one guy who is closer by my house and makes decent ones at a fair price. Imagine, crossing the sea for that.
We all know, why we want to go to USA. Oh Yes! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ but some people will (not) beg to differ(yes). Ok, Blondes? Sorry, you meant quality of work, environment and climate? I am quite perverted actually, to be honest.

Not all those who end up going there are perverted. There are many brilliant minds with good ideas who actually get appreciated in that country, which is more liberal and congenial for meritorious/hard-working people. SHIT, do you know what their charter of independence says? All men are born equal. But anyway, who cares. Thomas Jefferson is dead. So is John Locke. If not for the neo Americans, we would have never worn, eaten and done stuff that makes life pleasant and bearable, sitting in India( a very hot country, especially down south and poor in the east).

I never wore much Jeans in college days. It is fucking hot there where I lived for completing my education. There, you will sweat a lot and smell foul unless you use Deo or just don't care how you smell. So, I used to wear comfortable cotton trousers to beat the heat. Anyway, I just didnt understand how to get girls back then. So, I thought why make myself uncomfortable also by wearing denim in tropically hot climate. I could never emulate the perceived American way of living. I never had the clue how to do it. Also, I find Baskin Robbins way too costly for wat it is of worth.

There may be other reasons why Indians prefer to go to America, eat hamburgers, ok now you also get veg burgers and veg steaks( :P) in India to fulfill the not-so-intelligent or less-influential, poor Indians' dreams of America at their doorstep. I know inside, they react like Steve Martin as Jacques Clouseau on tasting the first dhmmwwaagrre. I could never figure out anything else, except that it is just another country where people have a higher income and lifestyle and we feel good to look at them and consider ourselves to be a part of their society. Like some dogs who behave wild in the forest, may be because they see the tigers and then those who live in crowded places, forget their wild habits for some damn reason.

It is only of late, I earn enough to buy even Adidas apparels and shoes, though I look obese enough to not really present a sporty look despite the world's best brands. Americans on the other hand, have been instrumental enough to create a fantastic image of their country in the minds of Indians through their intelligent advertisements and propaganda through the visual media, which are not all untrue. It is like if you tell a kiddo that you can pay some 500 bucks for sex, and not say about the STDs he can get from the hooker upon doing that, why would he not do it actually? Any rational guy will do it, of course he has to be a little desparate(which I can appreciate) and quite ignorant(which is normal). So, Indians also fall in the trap and do eat the hamburgers!

Coming back to the point(there is no point inside a blog), my concerns have risen and fallen with time. I may end up going there to be recognised in the society, else they would not give me a chance to speak and feel like an achiever. And, if I dont muster enough courage to do something on my own, which is again way too difficult, America will remain a sweet dream, the ladder to the luxuries and comforts of life that will take my breathe away, or wait, will it forever?

P.S. This is not America bashing. I have not been there, dont know more than 10 Americans in reality. How can I comment on them? This is just about us.

Once Upon a Time in Mumbai

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAI (It was Bombay then :P)

I don't know how people are able to live long and wish to do so even after living for so many years. I find it very difficult to live. May be I am suffering from some psychotic disorder. But you cant blame me much, I have seen a lot of hindi movies since childhood.

It is out of the difficulty to kill time over a weekend, which grows exponentially on Saturday and then slowly dies down by Sunday night, to give in to a Monday that does not promise anything but more misery, guaranteed over the next 5 days, with a relief that there will be another weekend to follow, I happened to go to a theater and watch another Bollywood Blockbuster. I can very well change the topic of discussion right now, but I have already put in the title before writing. So I am sticking to it.

Watching these kind of hindi movies, gives me a sick feeling it's cool to be a gangstar. You get money, you are unanswerable to none, you get hot chicks, and last but not the least, you have power. Why don't you be a gangstar man? They are smart people, have ethics, and work in co-operation. Bollywood's celebration of Bhai giri has never ended, which only shows a lack of taste and also the secret inspiration that keeps the industry rolling. They want to tell all poor kids and the unfortunate ones that the game is not over yet. Why dont you do a Sultan Mirza which guarantees you these successes? It is nothing but cheap shit. Inicidentally, Sultan Mirza (Ajay Devgan) "only smuggles goods which are not permitted for trade by the govt." But not drugs. WTF, why not? He smuggles electronic goods, etc etc but not drugs, because it is unethical. What kind of bullshit is that? He does unlawful things, he threatens the government, but he has never killed anyone in the city, because it is un-Godly. Make it more realistic, and research better.

Glorification of evil is a philosophy in itself. There have been many exponents. However, these may be tried by people of the likes of Tarantino, who understand things. But for Bollywood, I dont suggest.

The funniest thing about a Bollywood gangstar is that he is seldom unethical and quite generous and people really love him. Unlike Keyser Soze. But then you really cant put up this complaint, because Emraan Hashmi will get furious. But that would make me laugh even more, looking at his attempt to be ruthless. He is less horrible with kissing semi-nude gals and I would not mind him doing that, than try playing with guns. Simply because, even insanity or boredom or frustration cant take me to the theatre to watch one of those.

Ajay Devgan is real good though, a break from the type-casts. (But when a film is produced by Ekta Kapoor, what more can he really do) My early lascivious fantasies were mostly rooted to Bollywood sleazy numbers, and the macho-spirit that would provoke me, I can attribute to Ajay Devgan over his 90s fighting skills, which eventually paved the way for him to show also his acting skills over time.

I dont mind seeing women wearing nothing or wearing something which means nothing. But to watch that in a theatre with some 300 people staring and celebrating their nudity appears very sickening to me. Kangana is more than happy to display her assets by wearing dresses, which can only lead to rape, in anywhere in India, other than many be in the elite circles, where may be sex is not a taboo or among the carefree tribals in whatsoever part of India.

Prachi Desai(Mumtaz) also looks so good, but does not mind that her lover is a potential killer and aspire to be an anti-social goon & a true smuggler. Actually, I later realised it was a sarcasm on the part of the director to portray that most good looking women are dumb. Then I enjoyed it. She is more than happy to make out with him inside the jewellery shop, which doesnt seem to have a cosy corner(customers and other shopkeepers watching) or someplace where Hashmi can show his skills which he has mastered over all these years of hard work. These people simply didnt care to see them making out until one man did. But then (Shoaib) Hashmi's funny macho look scared the shit of that guy, who then was ogling at Prachi's visible skin with fear and not lust. Even in the monasteries, if you make out, I guess the Lamas will watch.(not part of the Emmanuelle fantasy)

I think I did not give due credit to Kangana for looking so sexy. So I thought I ll spend more lines on her, here. She is a top-notch sexy actress in the movie (more than Monica Bedi though).
Anyway in the initial phase of the movie, she comments that (she is made to comment, because she gets money, but whatever) she would fall in love with a person who can win her over in 5 secs or some crappy time limit. What kind of a dumbf**k remark is that? How can someone come up with such a script and dialogue. Then she drools over a guy(Ajay Devgan) because some lame guys here and there know him as Sultan Mirza and then she doesnt even want to know what he does, because anyway he is rich. That does make a lot of sense to me, though. Female characters are really made fun of in Bollywood movies. I dont know why some feminists dont get angry. I think they also want to look good and seek attention like Bollywood heroines in their movies, hence they dont have the guts to condemn these.

The ACP, played by Randeep Hooda, is all words. It seems that before joining the police force, he was studying in some groovy Arts College in Mumbai. He does nothing, no shooting, no fighting, he watches everything happening, doesnt make a plan and when he meets the gangstars, he shares dialogues with them trying to know who can speak better. His voice is good and he has got style, but the script made him look so damn stupid, that I feel pity for him.

Finally, the movie got over and I had to smoke a few cigarettes to get over my stint with what happened inside the theater. There were some not so bad looking gals out there. We ignored them, like we have seen many and dont bother even if they would strip right there. It was kind of late.

Coming back to the movie, the last scene showing Shoaib (Hashmi) smoking and smiling is one of the worst uncharismatic, dull ending of a Gangstar movie that one can come up with. In the finishing quarters of the movie, Ajay Devgan suddenly wants to join politics and change his ways of life (part of the remorse!!!!). What a decision! I have stopped going to brothels, because now I call them at my place. Mama says "Nice Beta". Anyway, Sultan Mirza's lecture infront of the masses, who are majorly Muslim, is very dragging and in that scene, he is supposed to get shot. Even knowing the climax, I felt no tension and although supposedly it was very thrilling, no chill ran through my spine. And when Emran Haashmi came out with the gun, I smirked. So did he, after killing Devgan. As if killing one man, ensures you to the title of THE DON in Mumbai, even if he is the established Don. The sequence was boring and funny and seeing Kangana on stage, my attention was driven to somewhere else altogether. This part reminds me of one of my silliest jokes, that I often repeat, recollecting about KGP. I spent some time sitting on the tracks near Kharagpur. So, few of the goods train, which we could hear from a distance would be so fucking slow, that even if I decided to commit suicide then and there, I ll get bored and ultimately leave before the train finally reaches me. That was also ONCE UPON A TIME IN KGP and believe me it was equally thrill-less.

I wanna be a Blogstar!

I find it difficult to write about one thing for long. It gets so boring after the first few sentences, that I generally open a third window(second one is the workspace) to vent my frustration. However, recently I have been reading blogs of people, and seeing them write, I felt that I too want to be a part of the brethren being a lonely man, myself.
I kind of relate with a German philosopher whose name I can pronounce, called Friedrich Nietzsche. Often, the intellectual (read lazy) people like qoutes of Nietzsche, because his questions can't be answered. This guy was very lonely, also sick and some say, he was ugly too. I can appreciate why he resorted to philosophy. So, anyway, this guy had said a few things which are still appealing to me. In fact, I also like to say that "It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book. "
Still I have decided that I am going to write more, and put my cynical thoughts to a more structured format, though most are saved in gmail history as 'saved chats'. I find this forum equally effective. As far as content is concerned, it's always going to be congruent with my mood and situation. I am not a very generous man, but ambitious still. So, for readers, I would plead to forgive me over contradictions in ideas over blogs which I plan to write, as hypocricy is as much inside me as it is out there. I just throw it out with my words often.
I love sarcasm, but often it is not funny. Just screwing people or organisations or customs with slander remarks doesnt appear to be appealing enough to me. (unless you do it really well). One man does it. He is Jerry Seinfeld.
For us, who are not Seinfelds, let's keep our learning-sarcasm nerve centre in the brain active and not behave like we-have-seen-it-alls. Because, we haven't.
Oh yes, why talk about sarcasm? Anything else is repulsive to me. Otherwise useful information is never put up in the net for free. If any such you think is of use to you, then you are an asshole or a prodigy. I have not seen a prodigy as such, I dont write imagining they will be reading blogs. So for the rest, I guess it's going to be a journey through the tortuous alleys of my mind.