Thursday, July 29, 2010

Once Upon a Time in Mumbai

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAI (It was Bombay then :P)

I don't know how people are able to live long and wish to do so even after living for so many years. I find it very difficult to live. May be I am suffering from some psychotic disorder. But you cant blame me much, I have seen a lot of hindi movies since childhood.

It is out of the difficulty to kill time over a weekend, which grows exponentially on Saturday and then slowly dies down by Sunday night, to give in to a Monday that does not promise anything but more misery, guaranteed over the next 5 days, with a relief that there will be another weekend to follow, I happened to go to a theater and watch another Bollywood Blockbuster. I can very well change the topic of discussion right now, but I have already put in the title before writing. So I am sticking to it.

Watching these kind of hindi movies, gives me a sick feeling it's cool to be a gangstar. You get money, you are unanswerable to none, you get hot chicks, and last but not the least, you have power. Why don't you be a gangstar man? They are smart people, have ethics, and work in co-operation. Bollywood's celebration of Bhai giri has never ended, which only shows a lack of taste and also the secret inspiration that keeps the industry rolling. They want to tell all poor kids and the unfortunate ones that the game is not over yet. Why dont you do a Sultan Mirza which guarantees you these successes? It is nothing but cheap shit. Inicidentally, Sultan Mirza (Ajay Devgan) "only smuggles goods which are not permitted for trade by the govt." But not drugs. WTF, why not? He smuggles electronic goods, etc etc but not drugs, because it is unethical. What kind of bullshit is that? He does unlawful things, he threatens the government, but he has never killed anyone in the city, because it is un-Godly. Make it more realistic, and research better.

Glorification of evil is a philosophy in itself. There have been many exponents. However, these may be tried by people of the likes of Tarantino, who understand things. But for Bollywood, I dont suggest.

The funniest thing about a Bollywood gangstar is that he is seldom unethical and quite generous and people really love him. Unlike Keyser Soze. But then you really cant put up this complaint, because Emraan Hashmi will get furious. But that would make me laugh even more, looking at his attempt to be ruthless. He is less horrible with kissing semi-nude gals and I would not mind him doing that, than try playing with guns. Simply because, even insanity or boredom or frustration cant take me to the theatre to watch one of those.

Ajay Devgan is real good though, a break from the type-casts. (But when a film is produced by Ekta Kapoor, what more can he really do) My early lascivious fantasies were mostly rooted to Bollywood sleazy numbers, and the macho-spirit that would provoke me, I can attribute to Ajay Devgan over his 90s fighting skills, which eventually paved the way for him to show also his acting skills over time.

I dont mind seeing women wearing nothing or wearing something which means nothing. But to watch that in a theatre with some 300 people staring and celebrating their nudity appears very sickening to me. Kangana is more than happy to display her assets by wearing dresses, which can only lead to rape, in anywhere in India, other than many be in the elite circles, where may be sex is not a taboo or among the carefree tribals in whatsoever part of India.

Prachi Desai(Mumtaz) also looks so good, but does not mind that her lover is a potential killer and aspire to be an anti-social goon & a true smuggler. Actually, I later realised it was a sarcasm on the part of the director to portray that most good looking women are dumb. Then I enjoyed it. She is more than happy to make out with him inside the jewellery shop, which doesnt seem to have a cosy corner(customers and other shopkeepers watching) or someplace where Hashmi can show his skills which he has mastered over all these years of hard work. These people simply didnt care to see them making out until one man did. But then (Shoaib) Hashmi's funny macho look scared the shit of that guy, who then was ogling at Prachi's visible skin with fear and not lust. Even in the monasteries, if you make out, I guess the Lamas will watch.(not part of the Emmanuelle fantasy)

I think I did not give due credit to Kangana for looking so sexy. So I thought I ll spend more lines on her, here. She is a top-notch sexy actress in the movie (more than Monica Bedi though).
Anyway in the initial phase of the movie, she comments that (she is made to comment, because she gets money, but whatever) she would fall in love with a person who can win her over in 5 secs or some crappy time limit. What kind of a dumbf**k remark is that? How can someone come up with such a script and dialogue. Then she drools over a guy(Ajay Devgan) because some lame guys here and there know him as Sultan Mirza and then she doesnt even want to know what he does, because anyway he is rich. That does make a lot of sense to me, though. Female characters are really made fun of in Bollywood movies. I dont know why some feminists dont get angry. I think they also want to look good and seek attention like Bollywood heroines in their movies, hence they dont have the guts to condemn these.

The ACP, played by Randeep Hooda, is all words. It seems that before joining the police force, he was studying in some groovy Arts College in Mumbai. He does nothing, no shooting, no fighting, he watches everything happening, doesnt make a plan and when he meets the gangstars, he shares dialogues with them trying to know who can speak better. His voice is good and he has got style, but the script made him look so damn stupid, that I feel pity for him.

Finally, the movie got over and I had to smoke a few cigarettes to get over my stint with what happened inside the theater. There were some not so bad looking gals out there. We ignored them, like we have seen many and dont bother even if they would strip right there. It was kind of late.

Coming back to the movie, the last scene showing Shoaib (Hashmi) smoking and smiling is one of the worst uncharismatic, dull ending of a Gangstar movie that one can come up with. In the finishing quarters of the movie, Ajay Devgan suddenly wants to join politics and change his ways of life (part of the remorse!!!!). What a decision! I have stopped going to brothels, because now I call them at my place. Mama says "Nice Beta". Anyway, Sultan Mirza's lecture infront of the masses, who are majorly Muslim, is very dragging and in that scene, he is supposed to get shot. Even knowing the climax, I felt no tension and although supposedly it was very thrilling, no chill ran through my spine. And when Emran Haashmi came out with the gun, I smirked. So did he, after killing Devgan. As if killing one man, ensures you to the title of THE DON in Mumbai, even if he is the established Don. The sequence was boring and funny and seeing Kangana on stage, my attention was driven to somewhere else altogether. This part reminds me of one of my silliest jokes, that I often repeat, recollecting about KGP. I spent some time sitting on the tracks near Kharagpur. So, few of the goods train, which we could hear from a distance would be so fucking slow, that even if I decided to commit suicide then and there, I ll get bored and ultimately leave before the train finally reaches me. That was also ONCE UPON A TIME IN KGP and believe me it was equally thrill-less.


  1. yah i seriously considered g'strism as a profession, the most original entrepreneurship if u ask me..but I got no one to partner in the startup,so i dropped the idea :P
    maybe i cn still intern at blackwater and see :P

  2. It was more on wot olive is dan wot ws thr in movie "Once upon a time in Mumbai" :P. Nyways Sincere try :)

  3. one of the very few blogs i bother to waste my time reading :P

  4. Crookly related to the stupid story of your KGP that railway tracks one;)

    this blog 's quite long though well i can understand another way to kill time;)

    seemed a bit monotonous but the ending was Good:D

  5. @All, thanks for wasting your time to read this...I did get some personalised negative reactions to this blog....I interestingly found out people know a lot about Haji Mastan...the intel agencies must consult these ppl. mite be these ppl know a lot more.
    Besides, I did a blunder. I didnt mention the scene where Ajay Devgan removes the rail temporarily to make way for his loaded truck. I remember being able to cross the railway tracks on my cycle(by getting down of course)...I personally feel the truck would go through smooth...but then I dont have Bollywood connections.

  6. nice bit abt the hijli train:P ... rest is ok only :D