Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Life and Times of DK Bose :D

Disclaimer: All characters (mostly me and DK) appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

I had passed out of school at that point of time, and it was just before entering the college. It was afternoon and I was returning home after a day out at the JU Campus. I saw a very tall guy with curly hairs, blinking his eyes and coming towards me. I felt that I have seen him before. And, then when he smiled, I realised I knew him. I didnt remember his name may be, right there. But thereafter I never forgot.

This DK Bose story has so much potential, that I fear I may not be able to do justice to the plot. It ideally should go through multiple edits before one publishes it. But we would nt care for such formality and methodology, as it is very un-DKB0se-ish. He would rather copy and paste a story from somewhere, and replace all the names with DK Bose, etc etc and publish it, if at all he needs it to.

It was during my college days that I came to know much about him, as he was studying something similarly horrible to what I was doing. He regretted it much more than what I do. However, the regrets were on a sinusoid from his side, specially he would hit the crests subsequent to talking to the more fortunate guys who were not, where we were.

DK, as we would call him henceforth, used to have 3 basic qualities ingrained in him, by some Gandolf the White, which follow:
1. DK's Frugality: Save money, whenever possible and spend money only when satisfaction is guaranteed (like say sex) :P
2. The DK Way: 101 ways to get back money if he owed from someone without letting him know that he wants it
3. DK's awesomeness: No this is not about money. DK Bose used to live in denial (similar to me, but he does not like to admit). So, he had his own ways of cooking up ideologies that could validate his denial strategies. Often, there would be total failure in sustaining the strategy, leading to intense physical activities (like gymming, cycling, etc etc ;) on his part along with very ardent wiki research and documentary hunting.

Over and above, DK used to be very amicable and intrinsically docile (not on the surface) which gave me the chance to get along well with him and thus today, I am able to furnish the details.

The highlights of my acquaintance with DK Bose:

1. The cycle trip on the DVC side of Kharagpur in 1st year:

DK told me that there is a wonderful hangout spot on the DVC side. I trusted him because he was handsome then. Hangout in our parts of the world, ie KGP and similar places, meant places where there was no Junta, a little shady, breeze blowing, railway tracks, a little greenery and random rustic chicks from the north-east. But anyway, we started out on our cycles and took a left turn at the main gate and were speeding past the walls of our college boundary. Abruptly, the road bifurcated into the normal tarred road and a pebble-strewn muddy village road that led to some nowhere. We of course took the path less taken. My cycle was my pride, his own was not so much of DK's. So I was leading. He asked me to take the next right and we maneuvered our way past chickens, and Santhali women carrying their baskets. We met the blind end. But DK explained that we have to cross the fields of barren lands on the cycle to go to the shady cool hangout spot of ours. Eventually I stopped seeing a trench of muddy, dark sewer water that separated us from the endless vistas. DK interrupted me and convinced me to follow him. He somehow managed to cross with his long legs and huge stature that could easily lift his cycle. I fell in the trench and my feet got drenched in the stinky waters and by now, our trousers were spotted with the muddy imprints which were stinking like hell. We did nt find the ultimate destination so cool as DK promised. Somehow we came back and bathed to normalcy along with our cycles. I was pissed off, but DK intervened with the line that created history for the upcoming years of our relationship. "It was a new place."

2. The SF 1st year phone call:

DKB had called up some "long lost" friend who was a girl during our first cultural fest. He introduced himself on the phone, saying who he was and what he was doing and if she would blah blah blah. DKB's middle name was funny for a guy who looked so cool. Additionally when he told the gal that he was studying some XYZ course in Engineering in the ABC dept of our institute, before asking the girl out, stands out tall like him. However, the gal had already "cut the line". (though there are many versions available of this, but this is one, more probable of them). After that I never found DK talking to a gal, when I was around.

3. The trip to Panchalingeswar Temple in our seniour years:

DK had convinced me and another guy after serious debate over the weekend trip, that Balasore is the most interesting place in and around KGP with the maximum tourist spots. After catching the early morning Dhauli express, we landed in the hot and sultry Balasore, only to find the more intense Auto Rickshaw-wallahs pouncing upon us. We had as usual wikied things. So we knew where we were going. We always knew about that, only everytime we got surprised that things on the wiki and reality seldom matched to our expectation levels.( I stopped expecting things subsequently). We sped in our auto-rickshaw towards the sacred lingam, Panchalingeswar, as an act of penance that would slowly get revealed as we were nearing the spot. There was no road to Panchalingeswar. It was being built. "If you want to go, you can try."We tried. We reached half-baked and almost dying of backache. We got asskicked royally. DK was feeling OK. I was furious due to the heat and frustration and my usual hunger. The other guy had got numb out of pain. DK was smiling, saying it is a new place only. I could have killed him right there, if I were as frustrated as I would be in later years, or if I had a gun. We climbed up the 100 stairs to find a typical temple, which was dilapidated and was undergoing some cement work. Few married couples were praying to God over there, I dont know why. Marriage is a difficult discipline to follow, but those who had reached Panchalingeswar surely would succeed in their own ventures.
We left the place and went to Chandipore. Thereafter we never trusted DK, despite he continuing to grow skinnier and more handsome.

4. The Kolkata Episode post KGP:

There was one day when DK had told his parents that he went out with DJ, and also DJ that he was out with me. It was a red-letter day :D. If it's not funny for you, let it be not :P.

5. DK's wardrobe over the years:

DK had a distinct set of clothes for Kolkata and KGP. What he wore in KGP, were generally what he picked from some Hurricane or flood relief camps when nobody was looking. Or, those which he had bought in Esplanade during the last day of the Mega Sale from the corner shop of the Muslim Uncle. He however is generally very upset when his wardrobe is publicly referred to, but I have this bad habit of upsetting people :P. DK's other set is however the ones, which he bought when he was in school and his parents loved him much to buy him whatever clothes he wanted to. However, DK-nomics or DK's frugality,however you like to call it, would finally take over him, not to replenish his wardrobe with something new after school. These things have changed recently, so if you, by some chance (remote), are a girl, then DK has changed for the better. DK's priced possession includes his old Newport jeans, which may be the last specimen of Newport anyone has. Other auctionable wardrobe items are better not explicitly discussed in a public forum (:P). DK got this TIMEX watch when he was in class 6 and till today it runs fine. People have asked him about it in airports and clubs, and he said, they generally appreciated it.

6. DK's vision:

This is not similar to the objectives and the vision of Abdul Kalam type of things. This is simple. If DK can see or not. DK can see, you fools. DK is a little myopic, but you would not see him in his specs if you knew him in college days. However, very interestingly, he gave up wearing contact lenses once he left kgp, and would often wear the thick specs :|. This is very astonishing as lenses are not only cool but also good for the eyes, as far as I remember! Someone, who used to wear the contacts in the heat and dust and desert life of Kgp, that person , going back to glasses in an urban set-up has baffled me to this date. However, he wears the contacts mostly when he is wearing the treasured apparels of his, which he gives for ironing and maintains like the platinum-iridium scale for the length of the metre in somewhere in Europe.

7. DK's cosmetics:

If you could only see DK going to bath! With a handful or arms-full I should say, set of hair cleaners and shampoos, etc etc (:D :D), DK ventures into the bath once in 3-4 days. Generally, the dust in his curly locks doesnt bother him. The mysteries that remain locked in his locks have been unlocking since his days in KGP, but DK has started taking adequate measures, that the rate of unlocking is under check :). Dolly, an Axomia, who despite being smart, did nt make it to DU, takes a lot of pleasure in DK's and my situation, I presume :D. Other cosmetic items are nonetheless same for all the people who dont take regular bath.

8. DK's food habits:

DK liked to eat anything that came cheap and was tasty when he was in college. Be it oily roll, or semi-cooked momos, or even VS canteen stuff. The most fascinating story however goes back to 1st year again, when DK and a few of us had a nite out and decided to go to sleep as we got tired by 7 in the morning. DK stayed awake till 7.30 to have the Dosa in the hall mess (Dosa on Sat was supposedly good) and then went to sleep. The utter loyalty to mess food on DK's part has often been related to his frugal ways and not wasting money on oily expensive stuff, which made the majority happy. DK often asked some of us to go the sweet shop for having sweets outside the main gate. It was only afterwards, I discovered that this was a master-stroke from DK over making us pay for his sweets in place of the balance amount which we were supposed to give him back.

DK Bose is destined to remain cool as long as he remains a bachelor. Some of us fear that we may be deleted from his phone memory and email accounts, once he lands his large fists on some rich upper class Hottie sooner or later. Till that day, we(at least I will) may keep our fingers crossed so that DK does something unique to give me an opportunity to kill time upon.


  1. Guess its ll abt being hopeful (Courtesy: DK driving us out of his room to change his undies before goin to clubs)
    Devil wears a Prada!

  2. Awesome...UR SENSE OF HUMOUR IS AWESOME...a true picture of DK.. :D :D

  3. DK is not the same nemore in so many ways...he buys goods from the factory discarded stuff shop which generally comes heavily discounted but cant be distinguished from branded..hence the atti in his voice these days
    And I do thank God for Dk's enthu in going to random places at any random hour..made life so much more fun :)

  4. wonderfully written...u should charge money for reading ur blogs :P

  5. I was smiling whyl reading this write up..cn't say much as i dn't knw Dk as you do;)BTW whr r DK's comments abt this....charge him hyh price fr this:P once u meet;)

  6. I cant help but read this again..the cosmetics part is really funny :P

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  8. Hilarious :) Hope Prad takes you to more such "new places" at Delhi :P